I Have Two Exams Tomorrow but Am Doing This

So by now we all know that I have DDR. And not crappy DDR, but good DDR with a nice pad and 800+ songs to choose from on the comp. Originally, I chose to be ashamed of this DDR and closed all doors and windows upon playing. DDR is for nerds, I told myself. My residents will laugh at me if I tell them I play.

But we all know that I get bored of keeping secrets for long (it's so much more fun to TALK! Especially about ME!), and so I began to let leak that I do indeed have a levelsix pad in my room and some considerable (though not formidable - yet) skillz. So far, the only reaction I have gotten is

"DUDE! Can I play? Can I come over to your room and play? No I'm serious, my cousin's boyfriend's brother has DDR and I played once and it's so much fun, like, for real, yo."

Moral: I love nerds.

FLASHBACK!

A picture in which I am one of the only ones looking NOT stupid! Senior prom, for which I bought my dress at Sears. Notice the PROMINENT ABSENCE OF MY DATE.



PS. see, you can tell it's Marcy's picture because there's tape on it. Marcy needs to graft a tape dispenser to her leg. :)

Liiiiiist

Pro: During my interview Saturday, the intern lady let drop that the Philly museum was "very impressed" with my resume and will be inaugurating a new exhibit on colonial Spanish art and my skills sound like "a great fit".

Con: They're still only hiring 20 interns out of 60 interviewees. Damn you, odds.

Pro: I beat the crap out of my paper presentation today and totally smoked the other girl who was presenting on Bosch. Not that it was my intention to humiliate her or anything. I just wanted to make a favorable impression. And stuff. And to reward myself, I am going to buy that CD of Palestrina on iTunes right...now.

Con: Somehow I realized today that I have a 15 page paper due in 10 days that I haven't even got a topic for yet, let alone started to research. How is it April? How? How?

Pro: IT'S JON'S BIRTHDAY!!!! I LOVE YOU, JON PUGH!

Con: ...I dunno. It's, uh, not my birthday?

There is a movie! On HBO! About Lackawanna! And it has the cool lady from Law n Order in it! Yesssss.

This makes me wonder if Ms. Maxwell ever actually got a real job acting - which she was good at - and got to stop teaching - which she was bad at. Anyone know? MS. MAXWELL! STILL SCARY!

A Very Funny Joke

An Allison walks into a pet store.

She buys a fish!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

7, in case you were wondering. I have 7. Fish. 7 fish. In my room.

***edit***

Jeannie bought a fish, too. However, she now only has two fish. Because two of her fish died this week. While I was watching them. YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST SHUT UP. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. And even if I did, the emotional punishment has taught me a lesson. Ok? Ok? Jeez.

Ahem. Anyway. The fish-naming process (nb. as we were walking out of the store, Jeannie realized she was subliminally compelled to buy a bright red fish because I killed her old bright red fish SHUT UP):

Allison: ok, what are we naming these monstrosities
Jeannie: hahah
Jeannie: im trying to think
Jeannie: FLAME
Jeannie: except then
Jeannie: i will seal his gay status
Allison: how about...RIPPER
Jeannie: ripper>
Jeannie: ?
Allison: sure
Allison: he looks like kind of a ripper
Allison: lol
Allison: so back in the petstore when you said you had a subliminal reason for buying a bright red fish, I was totally about to be like "spirit of the communist party?"
Jeannie: LOL
Jeannie: LOLOL
Jeannie: well, partly, of course
Jeannie: OH
Jeannie: HIs name is Marx
Allison: YES
Allison: EEEEXCELLENT

PS

Someone came here by searching for Spanish profanity.

Pendejo chinga joder mierda hideputamadre!

Good luck, intrepid pilgrim.

Insert Inane Disney Theme Song Here

So we all know that I work at Trinity on Friday nights, or if we didn't we do now. Since there's no way I get out of work before 1am, I'm always kind of leery about walking back to the dorm alone (there's a parking lot, you know, and a not-so-nice neighborhood right out there). Duke's hired these rentacops - they're called Securitas - to patrol campus every night so people don't get mugged, robbed, raped, etc. And every Friday night my friend Andrew, who works for Securitas, walks me home. He's my age. We're buddies. So anyway, tonight we were talking:

Allison: So what do you study at Durham Tech?
Andrew: Web design. So I can make all sorts of websites and everything. I started out doing computer programming, but I took the intro class and realized halfway in 'hey, this sucks!' so I switched.
Allison: Hey, man, that's ok. You can make a lot of money doing web design. My best friend's dad does it for Time Warner Cable, and he does pretty well.
Andrew: Huh. Time Warner Cable? Around here?
Allison: Yeah, they moved down here when I was in 7th grade.
Andrew: What's his name?
Allison: Dave...
Andrew: ...Lewis. He's my teacher.
Allison: NO WAY!
Andrew: Yeah. So you're from Buffalo, then, and
Allison: his daughter and I have been best friends since forever! I used to spend afternoons
Andrew: in his restaurant, because he ran an Alaskan fish place, but then he went to UNC and HATES Duke and
Allison: we have 'discussions' about it all the time! And that's part of the reason I decided to come to Duke, because I would have people here and
Andrew: sometimes it's nice to have somewhere you know you can go if you need to feel at home.
Allison: Andrew, you have just made my weekend.
Andrew: You're welcome.

Life makes me happy sometimes.

Two Things

1. I just got the tree wave cd - I ordered it off tonevendor and not ONLY did I get a cd for 10 bucks, but they signed my name with a heart and wrapped the cd in a ribbon and also sent me a gummy hotdog with a little (handwritten) note saying "happy listening!". I officially now <3 tonevendor. BUY FROM THEM.

2. My week sucks:

Friday: Good Friday Chapel Choir concert, 6:30-9
work, 9-2am

Saturday:
Chapel Choir rehearsal, 11-1
interview, 3:30
on call, 7-7

Sunday: Chapel Choir Easter dealie, 8?am - 12pm
HOUSE picks, 3-6pm
work, 10pm-1am

Monday:
German oral presentation
Art History presentation/paper due

Tuesday:
bonus chapel choir rehearsal

Wednesday:
German paper due

Friday:
German test
Greek Archaeology test

iTunes music store = DANGEROUS.

Before I flip the hell out and buy 85 cds, I want to sample miles davis so I know what cd to buy. Ideas? Uncles? I'm thinking Kind of Blue, but they have these "best of" cds that are tempting.

I really just want more old jazz/blues. Louis Armstrong, Miles, Ella Fitzgerald...Billie Holiday in the pre-scary-drug period. mmm, and Nat King Cole. Help! Suggestions!

WHEE!

This Sitemeter thing is getting tiresome, I know, but I am compelled to share:

search for: pictures of cocker spaniards

OH GOD OH GOD I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.

Maybe I am hysterical because I got up an hour and a half early today to write and turn in paper. And am tired. And have so much stuff to do. And got a new boss at work. And what else? What else? Wha...oh yes.

I GOT AN INTERVIEW FOR PHILLY WOO WOO WOO HALLELUJAH!

I have two new favorite bands. One is Ratatat. The other is Tree Wave, because they make all their music using old Ataris and Commodore 64s. YES! THEY DO! I ordered their CD yesterday and hope it comes oh so quickly. They have mp3s for the sampling on your website, which you should check out.

Yes, I do like weird electronic music, why do you ask?

I am high on life. Interview! New bands! Warm sunshine! I go now!

PS deleted scientific study bc I remembered that the CFO of...company...sits on the skool board, or something. whoops. my bad.

Just dropping in briefly to inform you that I am freaking out about internships. Philly announces first-round interviews this week. What if I don't get one? What if I don't get ANY internship? What will I do? I will be a big bad nasty failure, that is what I'll do. oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god. No one will hire me and I will never get into grad school and then I will have to run away and join the military and get blown up somewhere. And then all they'll be able to find is my leg, so they'll send it home in a box and not let people take pictures of it, and they'll all say "she could have been a scholar, had she only not been such a terrible failure". Or I'll have to become a pirate and then they'll have me hanged, and they don't let weemen on boats anyway. oh god.

(can you even IMAGINE the kind of mood I was in while applying to college?)

(also, please note that I am always up this late, this is not some weird flipping-out-induced insomnia. Do not worry...any more than usual.)

MORE SITEMETER!

search for: donald clarke skaneateles

4th result (are we related to him? we're probably related to him.)

search for: "in your easter bonnet"

3rd result (BWAHAHAHAHAHA...I have beat out the people who actually celebrate the holiday)

I would do a real update, except I have nothing really to update about. I realized about three hours ago that the paper I thought was due next Monday is due this Monday, so there's that. I drive Jeannie's car places while she's not here (and by "places" I mean "to West because I'm too lazy to take the bus but then again I end up having to walk from the Wanny parking down by the traffic circle anyway"). All the fish are alive. There's more stuff, in theory, but I don't want to get dooced (I might work for a company whose name might rhyme with SMARAMARK, but then again I could be making it up).

What? I can't get fired just for saying for whom I work. Can I? I can't. No. That would be unconstitutional. Anyway, it just RHYMES with SMARAMARK. Or KRAMARAMS. I also work for Udek Tooniversity Desirential Fife nad Sousing Tervices. Maybe.

There's also the fact that the return of the residents (what I'm calling "reinfestation") has begun. Sob. I think it's bad enough that I dreamed about breaking up a mad hardcore drinking party in Barcelona last night (oh, if only I were kidding); do I actually have to start breaking up mad hardcore drinking parties in Durham again? I do not feel up for this in any way. Also, for a blissful 40 hours I was the only person using my bathroom, and I am now emotionally attached to it. Pretty bathroom. Shiny. Smells of unidentifiable chemicals.

That reminds me: I think I've grown up, because I was standing at the West bus stop the other day and someone had spilled a bottle of motor oil onto the pavement. The puddle was all swirly and rainbowy, and all I could think was "oh my god the water table!". This is sad. And the next day I spent 15 minutes watching a worm crawl across the sidewalk in the rain, and all I could think was "muscles elongate....muscles contract. Muscles elongate...muscles contract".

I think I've inherited the Clarke weird gene.

Meh, don't mind me, I'm just melancholy because the kids are back and so my break is over two days early. Dammit. Damn them. They blew it up! Damn them all to hell!

I'm Doing This for You, Mom

Your Years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Name
Age
House	GryffindorHufflepuffRavenclawSlytherin
Family Line	MugglebornHalf-BloodPure-Blood
Dated	Ernie Macmillian
You are well known for	The best witch/wizard Hogwarts has ever seen!Wo0t!
Percentage of student body you shagged - 32%
How do the staff and students feel about you	*giggle blush*
This fun quiz by lady_ameily - Taken 302519 Times.

New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

It's Only Been A Week and I Can Already Pwn with Sitemeter

search on yahoo for: postwar german documents

AlliSpain is the only result.

search on yahoo for: spanish slang word guapa

AlliSpain is the second result.

search on yahoo for: niece sex

AlliSpain is god knows what number result out of a field of approximately 669,000.

I don't...I haven't...I don't understand. But ew, anyway.

Haters Go Elsewhere

Duke University

2005 ACC Champions

69-64

#1 SEED, 2005 NCAA Tournament

A, Uh, Sexta...logue. With Fish. BYO Tartar Sauce.

What? It's a word. Now.

Cotter: Hey guys, I think we should have a talk.

Red: Ooooh, talk? Ok, but can we go to the mall after because I saw this blue sparkly eyeshadow there I really liked and I think it'll set off the natural color of my eyes, you know, and my tail, and that's really really cool since the dance is coming up and I think Billy's gonna ask me but only if Candace doesn't ask him first but it doesn't even MATTER because I can't GO if you don't let me out of this stupid TANK with its stupid PLANT. I hate you! I hate you! Get out of my life!

Nero: I'll take you to the mall later, dearie. We can buy makeup and talk about boys. I have to get my tips redone anyway *sigh* my finnage will be just FABULOUS for this weekend.

Bert: What's up, kid?

Cotter: I think we should talk about The Landwalking One. She's been...erratic lately.

Fozzie: FOOD! YES! MORE FOOD! SHE SHOULD GIVE US MORE FOOD!

Cotter: Well, yeah, there's that, but she's been kinda weak on the water changes, don't you think?

Nero: Ooooh, I know, and it's just KILLING my dorsal. Maybe I'll get that done at the mall, too.

Red: You know, I think you'd look GREAT with some dyed blue tips. They'd bring out your purple so well!

Fozzie: Bring me back a Cinnabon! Or maybe some Cajun Cafe?! Both! Both! How about both? Ooh and one of those icy things from Orange Julius, right guys? I'll pay you back later!

Cotter: Don't you think you've eaten enough things you shouldn't already?

Fozzie: Huh? Wha - OH!, that. Look, I apologized for that! They were just eggs and anyway you don't even know if they were fertilized! Maybe it was your fault, did you ever think of that?

Cotter: No, sorry, I'm still stuck on the part where YOU ATE OUR BABIES.

Ernie: GRRRRAAHAGHGHHH!

Bert: Can we get back on topic, you guys?

Cotter: Oh, right. Yes. Anyway, we need to do something to attract Landwalker. Any ideas?

Nero: We could give her a FAB makeover!

Red: Oooh, yeah! I have all this makeup left over that I got from Rite Aid. She could totally borrow it, but make sure she doesn't keep it because I might need it in case that trashy Sabrina girl tries to steal Roddy away from me.

Cotter: You mean Billy?

Red: No, Billy was LAST week. I am SO over him. You never pay attention to ANYTHING I say! I hate you!

Ernie: GRAAAARGH! ERNIE JUMP!

Bert: The eukaryote has a point - why don't we jump around to get her attention?

Nero: Mmm, yes, baby. Hey, Cotter babe, why don't I hop on over and we can, well, you know...

Cotter: Oh, ye...STOP IT. STOP TEASING ME, DAMMIT. IT'S NOT FAIR.

Ernie: GRAAARGH! RRRARARARARRRR!

Nero: (shh, keep quiet, I'll come over after the meeting.)

Ernie: Grargh.

Bert: I hereby adjourn this meeting, having resolved to extend jumping efforts and kissyfaces to attract The Landwalking One, thereby increasing quality of life for all fishkind.

Cotter: Hear, hear.

SPRING BREAK!

As of three minutes ago, I am on break.

This will be celebrated with daiquiris and piña coladas, followed by a course of key lime cheesecake nipped from Trinity. Any work they may ask me to do in exchange will be regarded as if enclosed in a set of bold quotation marks. Like this: "work".

Then I will write three papers, play XBox, and sleep in the hammock on the balcony.

Though I probably technically started break yesterday. Here's how yesterday went:

11:00: wake up
11:05: hear resident having sex
11:05:30: endure great emotional trauma
11:40: yoga. Did we do yoga? No. This was an optional class, so we paired up and gave each other back massages. FOR AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES. It was glorious.
1:30: Cookout with Jon for lunch; buy and consume hushpuppies. HUSHPUPPIES.
2:00: watch Star Trek in Jon's apartment
2:30: return home bearing Jon's XBox and a copy of KOTOR II.
3:00-6:00: play KOTOR II.
6:00-8:00: Trinity (it is empty, so do nothing)
8:00-10:00: acappella concert (acapella? I used to be able to spell.)
10:00-whenever: oncall. Watch the freshman stray back unhappy and sober because all the clubs were crowded with cops. Laugh at them. Play more XBox.

I would be effusiver, but it just started storming. Daiquiris and thunderstorms, you say?

I'll take it.

I have caved and added SiteMeter. I was trying to go for the whole "not-stalking" vibe, but ridiculous Googlings are too good to resist.

Thank you to the uncles for tech help.

Heinous Things I Have Seen Today

1. Someone who spelled bourgeois "burguis". (about 3/4 of the way down the page). Honestly, Yale. I accept slightly mangled spellings of originally French words (I am related to Grandpa, after all), but that doesn't even LOOK right. Burg-oois. As opposed to booge-wah. Sad, Ivy League.

2. Someone else, with whom I am friends on facebook and who shall remain nameless for the protection of their own dignity, who put Michel Foucault as the author of their favorite book. Their favorite book Discipline and Power. Their favorite book Discipline and Power which, incidentally, is named Discipline and Punish.

3. I didn't see this today, but it goes with the general topic of the thingie here and bears inclusion.
I was studying at Trinity about this time last semester when I saw a flock of cute sorority girls come in. I heard them talking about one of their friends (or mentors? I dunno, I didn't ask):
"Oh, nooo, she's really a great person. Yeah, no, she joined like the Peace Corps or something to work with these kids in Ethiopia. And all the kids are - what's the word? It's when you're really skinny because you don't get enough food and your stomach sticks out and stuff. Umm...I think it starts with an e...OH! OH! INEBRIATED! That's right, she works with inebriated kids."

I would have started to laugh if my jaw had been able to rise above the level of my navel.

I absolutely adore failed attempts at intellectual elitism.

A Couple of Things I Would Like to Complain About

Prepositions on the end of sentences! snicker.

1. So I was sitting on the East-West bus the other day, and a girl and a guy get on. The girl sits next to me (the seats are paired) and the guy stands. And by "stands", I mean "bends over and starts passionately kissing her neck before moving to her lips and yes I do believe there was tongue". I don't like to be a killjoy, but is it too much to ask that other people's spitswapping take place more than 6 inches from my head? I was good and did not stick my Chroncle in to bar the view. I probably should have. They probably would have been angry, but you can't yell and make out at the same time. Booyah.

2. Trinity. How do you run out of cups? We ran out of medium cups. And smoothie mix and sugar and cupholders and hot lids and vanilla syrup and why am I even surprised? Unfortunately, at this job, things don't get less irritating as they keep happening. (I talked about my job on my blog, oooooh! Am I gonna get dooced now? That would be AWESOME.)

3. I woke up at 2pm today. :/ This is bad (well, it's good, but more bad).

4. Break needs to come so that people will stop pretending it's already here/partying everywhere/making me bust them for having beer. It's getting old. I would also accept increased amounts of subtlety on the part of the freshmen, but let's be realistic here.

5. The Carnegie Hall thing looks really sweet (4 star hotel, cruise around Statue of Liberty after concert), but it's expensive and no one in Chapel Choir likes me anyway. :( Also, I wouldn't be able to learn the music because I can't read music and there's only a week of practice scheduled.

A Couple of Things That Are Awesome

1. Uploading music onto iTunes and having it all be there. Like, all the time. Welcome to the 21st century, Allison Clarke.

2. So during this uploading process, I stuck one of my Greekpop CDs in, and apparently CDDB had two possible matches. One of them was actually in Greek, so I picked that one because it's cooler - and it has translations of the song titles into Spanish. So badass. I feel all multicultural.

Ze Liztz, Zey Are ZO Lazt Zeazon

I know it's been all "done", but I found a "you know you're from Buffalo..." list and I think some of the things are funny. Some of them are dumb, and so I have excised them, because IT'S MY BLOG AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

You know you're from Buffalo, according to these people, if:

You can pronounce Scajaquada, Cheektowaga, and Depew. (Bonus points if you call Cheektowaga CHEEKTAVEGAS.)

You use "the" before names of highways (they don't do that everywhere? Because seriously, if someone referred to the 90 without the "the" I wouldn't know what they were talking about).

You break out the shades and shorts when the temperature goes higher than 50 for the first time of the year (or, if you're like me and Jess Gurney, you have contests to see who can wear shorts for the longest - she got to December 14th and snowing one year, I think).

You flinch when you hear the words "wide right" (*flinch*).

You go to Niagara Falls for outlet malls and pizza, not the falls themselves (what, we have a wonder of the world there? huh. go figure).

***set of three***
You think the word "Lesbos" refers to another diner they're setting up on Elmwood/
When someone says "family restaurant" you think of "The Olympus", "The Acropolis", or "The Aegean", not Denny's/
You have a favorite Greek restaurant (if you don't have a favorite Greek restaurant, boy howdy had you better have a favorite Greek..ME, damn it, I'm referring to ME).

You order loganberry or Vernors with your pizza (logan...berry...*drool*)

You get really excited on your 19th birthday (go figure, Canada's good for something!)

You've ever crossed an international border for Chinese food.

Half of your friends moved to Charlotte and the other half are in Raleigh (ha! HAHAHAHA!...*guilty*).

***set of three***

You think you're paying outrageously high taxes to subsidize the New York City subway system/
You think you're paying outrageously high electricity bills to subsidize cheap electricity in New York City/
You think you're still paying tolls on the Thruway to subsidize repairs to expressways in New York City (so true).

Your parents ever threatened to send you to "Father Baker's" (dude, I knew kids who WENT to Father Baker's...and they scare me...)

You have the phone numbers to more than five pizzerias on speed dial (I HATE NORTH CAROLINA AND DOMINOS, I WANT REAL PIZZA).

You immediately change the channel when you hear the dreaded words "Hi! this is Goldie Gardner ..." (I went to elementary school with her son...I always felt bad for him).

You bake with soda and drink pop (self-explanatory).

You live within walking distance of a bowling alley (or were on the women's bowling team in high school and got your varsity letter for it...booyah).

You know which West Side pizzeria is a reputed Mafia front (is it LaNova???? Is it is it is it????).

Your idea of "doin' donuts" doesn't involve the glazed ones with sprinkles, but rather a rear wheel drive vehicle and a shopping mall parking lot (so many wasted afternoons).

You don't know what the hell Taco Bell is, but you can find your way to a Mighty blindfolded (MIGHTYYYYYY!).

You take real chicken wings, hot dogs and pizza back down to Charlotte after a visit home to Buffalo (sigh. Someone must act as my wing mule from now on, please).

Have I bored you all now? FAN TASTIC. My work here is done. Except it's not, because I have one last one of which I am ABSOLUTELY guilty:

You move to Charlotte, and say the following to your new friends:

• "back home, ya'cud get a case of Labatts fer twelve bucks!"
• "back home, ya'cud get a house like this fer only 80K!"
• "back home, ya'cud get a large cheese and pepperoni pizza fer seven bucks!"
• "back home, da' bars close at four in da' morning!"
• "you call dis snow?"
• "you call dis cold?"
• "you call dis a supermarket?"
• "you call dese wings?"
• "you call dis pizza?"
• "you call dis Italian food?"
• "you call dese taxes high?"
• "you call dese gas prices high?"
• "they're closing the schools for dis?"
• (I add: "you call this a TACO?!")
  

GRIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

If you have not seen the 1995 cinematic masterpiece known in the vernacular as "Grim", I claim the right to enslave you for the time period between now and then. I suggest you take this threat seriously, as there are Cheerios underneath my desk that really need cleaning right now, and I'm not gonna do it. Also, I will make you work my Friday night Trinity shift.

As a matter of fact, why don't you go ahead and take all the time you need. I have some papers you can work on for me, too. I'll be the one in the commons room sipping a beer (hey, why not, it's growing to be a popular pastime around here).

And then I'll be working on this. (Is it just me, or do I become more reliant on hyperlinks to amuse you as the semester gets ridiculouser?)

SPRING BREAK COUNTDOWN: 6 DAYS

I Don't Know What It Is With Me

And horrible things with bunnies lately

But this is spectacular.

In Your Easter Bonnet

With all the frills upon it...I have no idea where I'm going with this.

Currently (not) reading:

Orientalism, Edward Said (has made me realize some very interesting things about modern Greece that I would rant about but you don't care)

"El perro del hortelano", Lope de Vega (melodramatic Spanish love stories are always appreciated)

any number of postwar German documents on Nazis (cheery.)

The Millenium of Hieronymous Bosch, Peter Franger (ye gods)

So the real reason I started this post was to rant about grad students. One grad student in particular, actually.

See, I'm in this class that's designed for grad students. ARTHIST 296S, it is called. Despite its outward gradstudentness, there are a fair number of us undergrads enrolled in this course, but normally it is all cool. We talk. I sit across from the professor and thus draw an unduly humiliating amount of attention to myself, but it's ok.

One of the perks of ARTHIST 296S is the snack break. Since it's a 2.5 hour class and all, in the middle the professor will let us have a little bit of foodage. She set the precedent by bringing wine and juice on the first day, then assigned us each to share in the fooding responsibilities.

Now, this particular grad student's first transgression is related specifically to snacktime. It was her turn to bring the nibblies, you see, but when she sauntered up to the head of the table around 8:30 her first words were "oh! I didn't bring anything non-alcoholic. Here's the wine."

Oh, my silly little grad student. You were there on the first day when the professor took a poll of who was underage and almost half of us raised our hands. You cannot plead ignorance, because you know me and you know I am an underage undergrad. This "oh, goodness!" Scarlett O'Hara-style deprecation of our being is not convincing. It is obnoxious.

You know what else is obnoxious? Your habit of pointedly breaking into conversations in order to bring up outside sources. Because, you see, just because YOU have read Guy DeBord's entire collected works and written 100 pages on them doesn't mean that anyone ELSE even knows who Guy DeBord is. And - this might be a revelation, now - you're not adding to the discussion if only you and the professor have any idea what you're talking about. Minus another 10 points every time the professor sees your pathetic attempt to kiss up to her for exactly what it is and contemptuously calls you on it (that ought to bring you down to around -30 or so, I think).

Strike three: bringing up your credentials in every possible situation. Yes, ok, we get it. You went to Princeton for your undergrad. That's very cute. However, tossing around questions like "oh, has anyone heard about what's going on at the PRINCEton Art Museum lately?" is not making anyone like you more. "He's a great professor; I know, because I had him at PRINCEton," is also bad. "You like sports here? That's so...well, at PRINCEton we prefer symposia"...defies commentary, really. Guess what? Yes. You went to Princeton. Duke is plebian. We get it. If you're so good, why are you here now?

The fact that I was in German 14 with you last year (me = sophomore) and got a better grade than you (you = first-year graduate student) doesn't really help your case, either. Yeah, you can sit over there with the grad students and pretend not to know who I am and ignore me when I say hi. That's fine. Now list the dative prepositions.

*Allison, signing off at 3:30am and slightly less bitter than it might seem*

While Watching Bridget Jones' Diary

"God, look at the women Colin Firth dates. They remind me of stick insects. I mean, look at her! She's totally flat and shapeless!"

Allison: "Right."

"And God, she doesn't even dress like a woman!"

"Uh-huh."

"And her hair - it's so short and ugly!"

"Well, that's one thing I've got going for me, I guess."

"What?"

"Never mind."

I live in the best dorm on campus.