Wednesday, April 27, 2005


Oh no! Animals have been acting like they are programmed to act in the wild! Whatever shall we do? Wherever shall we go?

Oh, I have an idea! LET'S KILL THEM! Because, you know, it's definitely not our fault we were raising herd animals near a busy metropolitan area close to the Beltway. No, no no. It was the fault of the bison. So they deserve to die. Let us eat them with ketchup and spicy brown mustard. That will teach them! We shall have our vindication!

ESPECIALLY the calf. See that tiny little brown bison calf? He is going to be yumm-meeee. Maybe I'll make his mom watch as I wash him down with a Pale Ale. Mmmm.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Some Verdi Things

1. It was awesome. I'm telling you because you don't know. You don't know because you weren't there. You bastards.

2. I did not sleep all last weekend.

3. I will be buying three recordings: one for me, one for Grandma, and one for Grandpa. Anyone else who wants one can mooch it off of one of us. I'm not sure when they come out, so don't pester me.


I am, as usual, procrastinating writing a dumb paper.

So we had our last Wednesday rehearsal of the semester for Chapel Choir today, and since we only had two songs to rehearse in two hours, Rodney (our director) let us spend the beginning talking about the Requiem. Patty, one of our star sopranos, said she's had nothing but Verdi stuck in her head for months (this made me feel better, because I thought I was the only one...I've been singing in Latin down the hallways for a full 10 days). Rodney said - get this - it was the BEST VERDI REQUIEM HE'D EVER HEARD (in person).

The only way for you to understand the way this made me feel is to also understand how I feel about Rodney. I am in awe of Rodney. I can't decide whether to love him or be terrified of him. The image that springs immediately to mind is the apes and the monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey, though I know that's not right for many many reasons. If Rodney told me I had a good voice, I'd go audition for American Idol. If he told me I had a bad voice, I'd go pretend to be a lemming and drown myself. That's just the way it is. (As it is, he tells me I can't read music, but that's a skill failing. So I've just stopped auditioning for stuff because of it.) I'm afraid to talk to him, because I might annoy him (which in turn makes me annoy him even more, I think, because it means I sleep through a lot of Sundays and never apologize for it, but, uh, that's just part of what makes me...crazy?).

Anyway. BEST VERDI REQUIEM. And that we were so good the orchestra and the soloists drew emotion off us. That you could hear every consonant in every part of the Chapel (you try enunciating in a building with a 7-story-high vaulted ceiling and then MAYBE you'll understand how big a deal that is). That it was the most emotional and best-felt oratorio Chapel Choir'd done.

But now, after that, I don't know how I can buy recordings. There won't - you can't - you don't feel a recording. You'll only hear the bad and superficial parts. The part in the last Libera Me, where I was singing so hard my chest was vibrating and I still wanted to put out more sound because I wanted to make it better, greater, more glorious - you can't hear that. The whole Chapel full of people leaning in and holding their breaths at the first sob of the cello - that'll just register as so much less ambient noise. The part in the Agnus Dei where at least one of us was so moved she burst into tears - can't hear that either. The fact that I, normally the town joke, was so carried along by the flow that not only did I not make a single mistake or wrong entrance (!) but didn't even need to look at my score for a good 75% of the oratorio (!!) - well, nobody knew that but me. And you, now.

But I -- oh god, you guys, you don't know how depressed I was that no one came, because I was so tired and so sick and had sung two services that day and we still managed to do the most beautiful, beautiful thing I've ever been a part of, and no one was there to see it.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Quick Thought

Is it just me or is "I'd hit it" an unfortunate choice for a hamburger ad?

Hint: It's not just me.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Jon: "Tis a Sad Sad Day for Duke Undergrads"

I found out today that I've been thinking the same word wrong for 20 years. Those who have been informed of my magenta/magneta problem will not be surprised by this. (MAGNET-A! IT'S A COLOR!)

Misled? Apparently that's pronounced "mis-led", as in led wrongly. Not "misseld". "Mis-led". How many class readings must I inadvertently embarrassed myself in?

However, I am still not as bad as the girl who said "Goath" instead of Goethe ("Goe-te") during her paper presentation yesterday. Look, guys, I know we don't all speak German, but if you're gonna be reading it out loud in front of 20 people...

Ok, right, I have like 4 research papers and an internship app due in the next 5 days. I'm out.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Some Shoutouts

To all the people who keep coming here by searching for Emily Aviki: Hi! This is not her blog. I actually don't even know her. I can't really help you. And, to the person who came here looking for Emily Aviki from Portuguese Google: Não comprendo o portugues. Disculpame. Or something like that. ("umm...follo de maça?...can you make it hot? HOT, HOT, CAN YOU HEAT IT?"
"Kori, are you trying to make yourself more comprehensible by speaking in the wrong language, but louder?"
. . . "Ah. Right. Thanks for calling me on that one. Obrigada.")

To the person who came here by searching for "allison clarke" "allie": Did you find me?

To the hundreds of people who come here by searching for frog licking, licking frogs, lick frog, I lick frogs: Get a hobby.

To the other hundreds of people who come here by searching for "for every sprinkle I find I shall kill you" and/or click click bloody click pancakes: You are my soulmates. Please come visit me.

To the rest of you: I know what you get here searching for, and we don't peddle that hereabouts. Go away.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Is it worth taking French 1 (every day at 10:20, would be my 5.5th credit) in order to get a free iPod?


Thursday, April 07, 2005

Russ Ferguson Is Not A Jerk

I know, I'm just as surprised as you are!

Below please see correspondence (and while I'm sure there's bias going every-which-way in this election, I trust anyone who says the Chronicle's terrible):

****(Russ responds)****

Allison, I filed no complaints. While the Chronicle may make you believe otherwise, the Election Commission found the inactive link, a DSG justice sent in the screen shot, and it was the commission who asked her to take it down during the day. I filed no complaints about that. Nothing at all was filed about the bridge and it was Jesse who reported the banner-hanging because he wanted to use that same window.

I lost the election, so I'm sure you're happy; however, I do want to address your concerns. I never wanted Emily disqualified and was shocked it happened, especially after the judiciary's recommendation that we simply have another vote with all three of us.

In any case, it was definitely a nasty election and it should not have been. This is the third time I've run for executive office and I've never had a sanction against me and I've never filed a complaint.

I also never blamed Emily for the bridge, as was mis-reported by the Chronicle. Upon seeing the bridge I immediately called the attorney general and sent a supporter of mine to buy paint to paint over it.

As far as your attachment, anyone is allowed to have live links in their
away messages and profiles except for the candidates themselves.

I'm sorry that this election turned you away from DSG, I hope that you will vote in future elections, you certainly seem to keep well-informed and that's commendable.

Sorry about all the confusion.


****(Allison eats crow)****


Thanks for responding (I wasn't really expecting you to, so even more thanks). I knew the Chronicle wasn't exactly a bastion of objective reporting/fact-checking/competence, but I had no idea they sucked that badly.

I apologize for my smart-assery. In the future, I'll send all snide remarks to the Chronicle first. And you should consider talking to them about their reporting style, since I know I am not the only one to have thought these things.

Anyway, for what it's worth, you've redeemed yourself to me and I will spread the word among my friends. I'm sorry some crappy reporting/inaccurate wordplay cost you the election.


****(mmm, crow, yum yum yum)****

Thanks Allison. I'm really trying to clear up everything the Chronicle has
said...but definitely easier said than done.

Over the years, I've realized the Chronicle just isn't worth much - I don't
think they've gotten one quote from me right the entire time.

Anyhow, I appreciate you at least being active and staying up with elections
- that's more than I can say for most people here.

If you're ever thinking about getting involved in DSG, I think you'd be
good. Not that I can be of much help now, but let me know if you are.

As far as talking to the Chronicle, I sent them a few choice emails over
this whole thing...and stopped talking to them, yet somehow they still got
quotes from me...odd.

Have a great weekend.


Wednesday, April 06, 2005

An Open Letter to Russ Ferguson

Dear Russ,

First, I want to thank you for the email you so conscientiously carbon-copied me late last night (which I have attached below). I appreciate your concern about my voting in the DSG runoff election today. In fact, I am so pleased by your gesture that I thought it would be common courtesy to notify you of my intention to boycott the election and to elucidate my reasoning to you.

Let me preface my statement by listing some statistical data. I will assume that Duke has 6000 undergraduates, all of whom are eligible to vote in the DSG election. According to last week's Chronicle, 52% of these undergraduates (approx. 3120) voted in the presidential race. Of these, 37% (1154) voted for Jesse Longoria, 33% (1030) for Emily Aviki, and 29% (905) for you. Now, I agree that these margins are slim and a runoff vote is in order; the president of what is ostensibly the most important student organization should be elected by a clear majority.

My qualm lies in the accusations leveled against Emily Aviki by the DSG election board (prompted, I feel bound to add, by your persistent claims of her dishonesty). The three principal accusations, as I understand it, are these:
1. Emily Aviki posted a live link in her AIM profile to the DSG voting website.
2. Emily Aviki placed a banner on Main West at 11:40pm on March 20th, when campaigning should have begun at midnight on the 21st.
3. Graffiti stating "vote for Ross the Boss" (that's you) was plastered over Emily Aviki's campaign sign on the East Campus Bridge, which you later said was done by her own supporters in order to frame you.

I will deal with these accusations in order:

re: item 1. It seems there is incontrovertible evidence (namely a screenshot) showing that Aviki did indeed place a voting link in her AIM profile. However, I would argue that the vast majority of those who would have viewed her profile on Election Day would have been her friends and acquaintances, presumably people who would have voted for her anyway. Also, the link in question does not obligate the voter to choose Emily for President; it was possible that someone directed to DSG voting through her website could have cast their ballot for you or Jesse.

2. As I am an RA on East, I am unsure as to how many people are wandering around Main West at 11:40pm on a Sunday night. However, I would venture a guess that no more than 20 people saw that banner in the 20-minute time period it was up illegitimately. Given that all of these people immediately decided to vote for Aviki upon seeing her banner, there is still a margin of approximately 100 votes separating the two of you.

3. This third argument leaves me flabbergasted. The insinuation that Aviki would deliberately derail her own campaign in order to frame another candidate impugns her character in a manner that is inappropriate for anyone running for elected office. I have no doubt that you were unaware if any of your supporters chose to create this sign; however, it would not have been unreasonable for you to deny knowledge of this action and apologize. It worked for Reagan in Iran-Contra, and that was a much bigger deal.

I am sure you will argue that, by bringing these items to light and contesting the vote, you are only following the bylaws written by DSG itself. I am aware of this. However, to revoke funding for and then disqualify a candidate for these reasons is, in my opinion, absolutely ludicrous - as such, I display my disgust for the DSG bylaws by boycotting this and all future elections.

Now, regarding the text of your email, I would merely like to point out that Aviki's disqualification is not a "strange twist of events". Your ingenuity betrays you, Mr. Ferguson. It seems to me that your express goal in challenging the election results was to have Aviki so disqualified in order for you to win. This reprehensible, sore-loser spirit on your part has further distanced me from any reason I might originally have had to vote for you.

Again, I'd like to thank you for your concern about my voting record, but I choose to abstain from this and any future DSG elections on principle. Now, on an additional note, you may have noticed an attachment to this email. This is a screenshot I have taken of one of your supporters' away messages, wherein he has posted a live link to the DSG voting website. I am unsure as to whether this violates DSG protocol, though I am sure you will turn yourself in immediately if it does.

Thank you!

Allison Clarke


"Hey Allison,

By a strange twist of events, Emily Aviki has been disqualified
from the DSG Election and there is a runoff between me and Jesse TOMORROW
(Wednesday, April 6).

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote tomorrow and get all your friends to
vote. This is going to be all about voter turnout.

I really appreciate it. hope you're having a great week, Allison!


Russ Ferguson"


So we all took that Meyers-Briggs personality test in AP English, after the exam was over and Dr. Callaghan had nothing for us to do the last week of school. However, I freely admit that I cheated on it. Indeed, I did cheat on an objective and ungraded personality test. Why? Because INTJ is the Mastermind, and I wanted to be a Mastermind. Because I was smart. Had I told you I was smart? Were you aware of my SAT scores? In case you didn't know, in high school I was smart.

Anyway, now that I am no longer concerned with my social status as a Smart Person, I have taken the test again. This time I got INFP, though I think I waver between that and INTP. I present to you some excerpts from the analysis, with comments:

"INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world and are seen as reticent and even shy. Although they demonstrate a cool reserve toward others, inside they are anything but distant (merely socially awkward). They have a capacity of caring which is not always found in other types. They care deeply - indeed passionately - about a few special persons or a cuasesic. One word that captures this type is idealistic. At times, this characteristic leaves them feeling isolated. I feel! I feel so deeply! No one can comprehend the depth of my love!

INFPs have a profound sense of honor derived from internal values. The INFP is the Prince or Princess of mythology, the King's Champion, Defender of the Faith, and guardian of the castle. Sir Galahad and Joan of Arc are male and female prototypes of an INFP. To understand INFPs their cause must be understood, for they are willing to make unusual sacrifices for someone or something beleived sic in. That's right, guys. Mess with me and I send the drawbridge down on you.

INFPs never seem to lose their sense of wonder. One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It's as though they live at the edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities. Did you miss the part where I wrote an entry about a social congress between my fish?

INFP children often exhibit this in a 'Calvin and Hobbes' fashion, switching from reality to fantasy and back again. With few exceptions, it is the NF child who readily develops imaginary playmates (as with Anne of Green Gables's "bookcase girlfriend"--h er own reflection) and whose stuffed animals come to life like the Velveteen Rabbit. Hey Jessie, let's play Laura Ingalls Wilder! You be Laura, and I'll be Mary, and Ma and Pa'll be dead! *or* Hey Jessie, let's have your dad roll us up in a blanket and pretend we're burritos! *or* Hey guys, CPK SLEEPOVERS!

INFPs have the ability to see good in almost anyone or anything. Even for the most unlovable the INFP is wont to have pity.

Their extreme depth of feeling is often hidden, even from themselves, until circumstances evoke an impassioned response. Unfortunately, these two sentences are wrong. I am a frighteningly cold-hearted harridan.

INFPs seek unity in their lives, unity of body and mind, emotions and intellect. They often have a subtle tragic motif running through their lives, but others seldom detect this inner minor key. I am tragic and misunderstood. The deep commitment of INFPs to the positive and the good causes them to be alert to the negative and the evil, which can take the form of a fascination with the profane. please see: sense of humor, ages 13-19 Thus INFPs may live in a paradox, drawn toward purity and unity but looking over the shoulder toward the sullied and desecrated... well alone, as well as with others...Their career choices may be toward the ministry, missionary work, college teaching, psychiatry, architecture, psychology - and away from business. wheeeeeeee college teaching! They seem willing and usually are able to apply themselves scholatically to gain the necessary training for professional work, often doing better in college than in high school. wheeeeeee college! They have a natureal sic interest in scholarly activities and demonstrate, as do the other NF's, remarkable facilty for languages. have I mentioned that I wrote a Garcia Marquez story in German? and you know I didn't read 100 Years of Solitude in English, right? I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T! Often they hear a calling in the world to help others. if "others" = aminals and environments and ecologically responsible growth and not stupid people, I'm down. INFPs can make outstanding novelists and character actors, for they are able to efface their own personalities in their portrayal of a character in a way other types cannot. wheeeeeeee acting!...

...For INFPs, their home is their castle please see today's Chronicle for more information on the relevance of this statement...They have a strong capacity for devotion, sympathy, and adaptability no in their relationships, and thus are easy to live with except if I DON'T LIKE YOU...

blah blah blah, boring boring, and then you get to

  • Fictional INFPs:
  • Anne (Anne of Green Gables) yay!
  • Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes) oooh.
  • Deanna Troi (Star Trek - The Next Generation) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!
  • Wesley Crusher (Star Trek - The Next Generation) ick.
  • Doctor Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space 9) yum, except he got Kira pregnant and that's weird
  • Bastian (The Neverending Story) it is ridiculously not funny how jealous of Bastian I have always been
  • E.T.: the ExtraTerrestrial how am I like a nonverbal...all right, whatever.
  • Doug Funny, Doug cartoons now I have the Doug song stuck in my head
  • Tommy, Rug Rats cartoons
  • Rocko, Rocko's Modern Life cartoons ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE! Flashback!

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

It's A Nice Day, I Should Really Be Outside

What Think You?

So for German we're supposed to do a creative writing-type thingie for our next essay prompt, and somehow I managed to work myself into a García Márquez magical realism short story involving turning into strawberries. I kind of like it. If I decide to throw it into English and flesh it out into some more pages, would you read it? It'll be bad, but maybe I'll be able to distract myself from work with it.

Monday, April 04, 2005



7 - 1 = Slightly More Reasonable

I have kept forgetting to mention that additional fish did not stay additional for long. I swear, that thing had EVERY SINGLE DISEASE I HAVE EVER SEEN. You could have cured pneumonia or something just by drinking his tank water. Unfortunately, you couldn't have cured whatever it is he had.

I didn't name him, because I didn't want to get attached, but if I had his name would have been Wembley. He was very Wembleyish, with the skittering and the scattering and the being scared. I probably should have named him Boober, in honor of him being a sickly pain in the butt. Oh, well.

I have a meeting to determine my thesis topic tomorrow. Eep! A thesis means I'm gonna be a SENIOR. HO-LY CRAP.


Now, if only I can stop playing XBox long enough to graduate...