Ze Liztz, Zey Are ZO Lazt Zeazon
I know it's been all "done", but I found a "you know you're from Buffalo..." list and I think some of the things are funny. Some of them are dumb, and so I have excised them, because IT'S MY BLOG AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.
You know you're from Buffalo, according to these people, if:
You can pronounce Scajaquada, Cheektowaga, and Depew. (Bonus points if you call Cheektowaga CHEEKTAVEGAS.)
You use "the" before names of highways (they don't do that everywhere? Because seriously, if someone referred to the 90 without the "the" I wouldn't know what they were talking about).
You break out the shades and shorts when the temperature goes higher than 50 for the first time of the year (or, if you're like me and Jess Gurney, you have contests to see who can wear shorts for the longest - she got to December 14th and snowing one year, I think).
You flinch when you hear the words "wide right" (*flinch*).
You go to Niagara Falls for outlet malls and pizza, not the falls themselves (what, we have a wonder of the world there? huh. go figure).
***set of three***
You think the word "Lesbos" refers to another diner they're setting up on Elmwood/
When someone says "family restaurant" you think of "The Olympus", "The Acropolis", or "The Aegean", not Denny's/
You have a favorite Greek restaurant (if you don't have a favorite Greek restaurant, boy howdy had you better have a favorite Greek..ME, damn it, I'm referring to ME).
You order loganberry or Vernors with your pizza (logan...berry...*drool*)
You get really excited on your 19th birthday (go figure, Canada's good for something!)
You've ever crossed an international border for Chinese food.
Half of your friends moved to Charlotte and the other half are in Raleigh (ha! HAHAHAHA!...*guilty*).
***set of three***
You think you're paying outrageously high taxes to subsidize the New York City subway system/
You think you're paying outrageously high electricity bills to subsidize cheap electricity in New York City/
You think you're still paying tolls on the Thruway to subsidize repairs to expressways in New York City (so true).
Your parents ever threatened to send you to "Father Baker's" (dude, I knew kids who WENT to Father Baker's...and they scare me...)
You have the phone numbers to more than five pizzerias on speed dial (I HATE NORTH CAROLINA AND DOMINOS, I WANT REAL PIZZA).
You immediately change the channel when you hear the dreaded words "Hi! this is Goldie Gardner ..." (I went to elementary school with her son...I always felt bad for him).
You bake with soda and drink pop (self-explanatory).
You live within walking distance of a bowling alley (or were on the women's bowling team in high school and got your varsity letter for it...booyah).
You know which West Side pizzeria is a reputed Mafia front (is it LaNova???? Is it is it is it????).
Your idea of "doin' donuts" doesn't involve the glazed ones with sprinkles, but rather a rear wheel drive vehicle and a shopping mall parking lot (so many wasted afternoons).
You don't know what the hell Taco Bell is, but you can find your way to a Mighty blindfolded (MIGHTYYYYYY!).
You take real chicken wings, hot dogs and pizza back down to Charlotte after a visit home to Buffalo (sigh. Someone must act as my wing mule from now on, please).
Have I bored you all now? FAN TASTIC. My work here is done. Except it's not, because I have one last one of which I am ABSOLUTELY guilty:
You move to Charlotte, and say the following to your new friends:
- "back home, ya'cud get a case of Labatts fer twelve bucks!"
- "back home, ya'cud get a house like this fer only 80K!"
- "back home, ya'cud get a large cheese and pepperoni pizza fer seven bucks!"
- "back home, da' bars close at four in da' morning!"
- "you call dis snow?"
- "you call dis cold?"
- "you call dis a supermarket?"
- "you call dese wings?"
- "you call dis pizza?"
- "you call dis Italian food?"
- "you call dese taxes high?"
- "you call dese gas prices high?"
- "they're closing the schools for dis?"
- (I add: "you call this a TACO?!")