Leave it to stupidity to snap me out of a blog funk - CSPI wants to class salt as a "harmful additive".

DAMN IT, CSPI.

Felix Gaeta is Absolutely, Positively a Cylon

Ok so I have been promising this for a very long time, and I keep putting it off, and so I have forgotten some of my evidence. But believe me! and I will update this as I remember/rewatch the episodes. Also let me note that I have only watched up through episode 2.5 (The Farm), so please don't spoiler anything that comes after that. Ok? Ok!

1. The first piece of evidence is more a logistics issue than anything. The Cylons are obviously very good at this infiltration business; they know exactly where they ought to have particular agents in order to achieve the maximum effect with the invasion, in terms of both emotional stimuli and logistical considerations. By emotional stimuli I mean that they know to send extremely hot, sex-crazed Six for Gaius Baltar, who responds quickly to that combination; cute and smiley Sharon ought to be the one seducing Helo down on Caprica, rather than Six, who's kind of cold and a little crazy when you get right down to it; and Simon, who gives off a warmth to him, is better suited to try to coax Starbuck into staying at the hospital than Leoben or Aaron Doral would be.
And by logistics I mean the obvious: WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE CYLON IN THE COLONIAL FLEET? The Cylons are not stupid. Sharon has access to some stuff, but she's only a Raptor pilot. She has no way of getting to the inner workings of the fleet besides putting her cover at risk (ie. sneaking away to blow up the water tanks). What the Cylons would ideally have is someone who can affect the fleet without ever being noticed - "oops! Hey, we've been boarded!" and such. Gaeta is in the ideal position for that, obviously.

Which leads me to my plot-based evidence.

2. Magical Cylon spy device!
Appears in CIC! And straight-edge, conscientious, hyper-affirmation-seeking Gaeta's response? "Wait, uh, didn't you put that there?" WRONG. This is totally out of character for the kid. Gaeta has his business together (mostly) and seeing Aaron Doral creeping around CIC installing an iSpy would make him freak out. Unless he wasn't there on purpose - or didn't see on purpose - or installed it himself.

3. "I studied bioinformatics before I signed up for the Colonial fleet."
What is a Cylon?
Biological parts +
Computer network
=
bioinformatics.

HUH. HOW ABOUT THAT.

4. Cylon detector.
Adama asks Gaeta to help on the Cylon detector. Do we ever see him do that? In fact, do we ever see him have anything at all to do with the entire detection process, other than letting drop the previous tidbit and not-bragging-really around the poker table? This could be because of Baltar and his total not-knowing-anything, which would be fine, but it seems very off for Gaeta, especially given his "give me more work, sir!" tendencies. Wouldn't you expect him to be all up in Baltar's grill or something?

5. Infamous hand movement.
Right before Sharon shoots Adama, the camera pans down to focus on her left arm meeting Gaeta's right. You don't see anything pass between them, and it's unlikely that he's handing her a sidearm - she has her own - but then we don't know how Sharon is triggered to shoot Adama (it's not conscious, as we can tell by the soundtrack that she's pretty much in a phased state when in happens). Does Gaeta have secret triggery Cylon pheromones, and when he shakes her hand they go poof? I don't know. I don't consider this definitive proof of anything, but it is, er, curious.

6. The entire world explodes after Adama gets shot.
The Cylons are bearing in and the fleet needs to jump. Ok. Who messes up the jump coordinates? Who comes up with a solution that involves networking the computers, the sole way the Cylons can gain comprehensive access to the ship's systems? Who writes the (FAILED) firewalls to try to keep the Cylons out? BING BING! Gaeta. All of these things allow the Cylons to infiltrate the Vipers' perimeter, board the Galactica, and get a bullet's-width away from venting the entire crew of the Galactica into space. Pretty good invasion tactic, especially if you have an inside man messing things up on purpose for you.

7. "I reran the security protocol".
In the episode where the corporeal Six tries to accuse Baltar of treason with the faked photo (Season One, Episode somethin or other), it's looking like Baltar's going to be convicted because everyone believes the photo is of him. The only thing that saves him is Six towering over him, telling him to repent, which he does at the last possible second. Coincidentally, as soon as Baltar repents, the photo is discovered to be a fake. By Gaeta. Who just, mmm, miraculously happened to rerun the security sweep on the photo, like, the SECOND after Baltar gets on his knees and whines to Six. HOW ABOUT THAT?!

8. Silly details.
I just saw this tonight as I was rewatching Colonial Day. During the last scene - the ballroom dance - the producers have everyone ticked off into their respective couples. Lee/Starbuck/Baltar have this weird menage a trois going, Laura dances with Adama, Dee and Billy are rocking out in a corner - and a red-befrocked Sharon is twirling on the arm of our good friend Felix Gaeta. Why would these kids even GO together? There's really been no proof they even know or like each other - they never communicate in any way. Except, of course, if they're both Cylons, in which case they match right up. Hrrrm.

I reserve the right to update this list! because I am a dooooork.

Act II* of Double Entendre Theater

Allison: *changing channels*

Radio: szzzzzfffffttt...*male voice* "but I call them screamers."

Allison: "Who's talking about screamers!?"

Radio: "I love screamers. They're my business!"

Allison: *choke*

Radio: "I go all over the world, to Belgium, Amsterdam, Switzerland, and anywhere else you can think of, looking for the best screamers on the planet!"

Allison: "Are you in the navy?"

Radio: "...so if you're looking for a diamond that doesn't just sit on your hand, but SCREAMS for attention, come to blahblah jewelers in Schenectady, NY!"

Allison: "That...you...but you said...oh god."

*(click Flea, to the left, for Act I.)

I Am Brevity Itself

since I have, I figure, about five minutes to write this before the gore on Discovery Health changes to something else and Dad wanders on in here.

NARRATIVE POST!

I've spent the past couple of months in a considerable welter about what I'm gonna be doing this summer. I have to leave in August?ish? and so there were two months stretching out before me, vast, unplannable. The night of graduation I got a plan:

EPWORTTTHHHHH.

I'll be spending this summer catsitting for Dr. Brenda! which means living approximately 10 feet directly above the apartment I moved out of just last week. It also means spending my time with Beth and Audrey and the Fat Man, which is pretty much the sweetest thing ever. So since I'll have a place (and the Batmobile) to myself, I've managed to come up with some goals that I can hopefully abide by during June and July:

1. Take (and spank) the GRE.
My first-ever practice test clocked me in at an anemic 1290, which is pretty much the same as my initial SAT score was when I started taking those practice tests. We all know how that turned out. But, downside, I have no Miss Girvin to help me on the math section with these bad boys.

2. Gain street cred
Via research with the advisor. I still don't know if this is going to work out or not. Deepest secrecy for now.

3. Pet something every day
Catsitting!

4. Refine eating habits
to aim for exclusivity eating free-range meats and locally-grown produce.

5. Do not go bankrupt
see item 5.

6. Make season 2 of Battlestar last all summer
This is a losing battle against my own will.

7. Start jogging outside
because only losers need to pay for gym memberships to keep themselves motivated. And by losers I mean me.

8. Don't break the Batmobile
BATMOBIIIIILE!

Sorry about the radio silence. In Delaware, we have no compies! and no internets. and no people who know about the existence of this website! teh yay. So off I go, and promises of Cylon Gaeta in the future.

I've been spending the past week doing irresponsible things to my sleep schedule (note the timestamp) and thus not posting. As a result, it appears that my patronage has mostly deserted me. I don't blame you. But I graduate the day after tomorrow, and so I can promise you the following upcoming posts:

• Why Felix Gaeta is a Cylon
• What it is like to be a grownup
• Maybe one thing that is emo!

I am sure you are all bristling in anticipation.

This is probably a mistake on their part, so I won't be surprised if they rectify it, but if you go to www.scifi.com/battlestar and click on "Watch the First Season Finale" or whatever button it is that gets that message across, it'll stream you the entire first episode of the show (33).

This makes me squealingly happy, as does the entire BSG franchise, because it's so GOOD.

Aww Jeez

Barring what would be a characteristic display of stupidity by one of my classes that shall remain nameless but I HATE IT AND THEY KEEP MAKING SURPRISES AND TO HELL WITH THEM, I am done with college.

No more college work. Ever. Just sitting back, waiting for the grades to roll in, and swimming through my closet to find things to pack. No more college. I am done with college.

It'll sink in eventually. Give me a bit.

My Email Inbox is an Interesting Place, to Wit:

"Before I go any further, I wanted to let you know of an exciting event for SOW. Former President Bill Clinton will be in Austin on May 20^th to take part in a brunch to benefit Students of the World. We would really love for you to come to Austin for the event and for the weekend. If you are interested, please call or email me so we can work out details."

I'VE BEEN INVITED TO BRUNCH WITH BILL CLINTON. Fzzt. Spzzzzt. ZZZZZZZZZZZ KAPLOWIE.

Let's start keeping a list of incredibly awesome things Allison would be able to do if the cost, timing, and logistics weren't prohibitive:

Sing at Carnegie Hall
Have brunch with Bill Clinton

Any other suggestions?

I am now the proud owner of one black gown, one pointy hat, and one of those bizarre inside-out hoodie things.

This is getting more and more surreal as the week goes on. I am. graduating. from college.

OH GOD THESIS, I HATE YOU

In the meantime, here is the lacrosse committee report! and it agrees with me (see point 4, wayyyy down at the bottom)! Dancey dancey dance dance.

Help!

It has come to my attention that I should get a gift for my thesis/independent study advisor. I've had her (in class and independently) for three consecutive semesters, and while we haven't worked all that closely on this paper, that is pretty much entirely due to the fact that I suck and am easily intimidated (and - corollary - she is way too cool for me). Also, there's a possibility that I may end up helping her with her research this summer? so I want to be nice. Bottom line, I don't know her all that well and so I am at a loss re: things to give her that would be personally meaningful.

I know she likes wine. Would a bottle of wine be ok? If so, any suggestions? I don't know anything about wine at all, and my choices are limited to what they stock at Whole Foods, so there's that. I'm willing to spend a bit of money, so cost isn't super-important (ok, maybe $50ish is the upward limit).