Because I Am A Status Addict

If Duke doesn't recalculate the class rankings soon, I am going to get all screechycrackers. I haven't been recalculated in a whole year and it HURTS MY SOUL.

Tomorrow, I will start jogging again. Yes. Tomorrow.

I'm not posting, but neither is anyone else, so shaddap.

Anyway, I have my hands full with the internship and the people to see and the nursing 6 fish back to relative health (fish don't like riding in the car for 14 hours in 3 days. I never would have guessed it), and before that was Dad's and Easter and all that jazz. Plus there are kids here. In short, I am cranky.

And I also have to get up at dark o'clock tomorrow to catch the bus, so I'm going to bed now, and I'll be damned if you can stop me.

Myrtle Pics Before I Disappear

I have to sign off ethernet tomorrow. Aaaah! This is not appreciated. To amuse, I provide you with some charming pictures of BEEEEEAAAAACH!


This is our hotel room. THAT IS A JACUZZI IN OUR HOTEL ROOM.


This is the view off our balcony. Ha, ha, ha, now you are jealous.


And this is the beach. You are still jealous; there is no use in hiding it.


It was Heather's birthday, so we went to the (world-famous?) House of Blues for dinner! Look at us, we are so cute.


Heather and Victor are also so cute. Awwww.


It looks like the ribs are about to get me, but


I GOT THE RIBS.


There is nothing better than minigolfing in the dark, in part because it also gets you a free pyrotechnics show.


The next day, we went boogie boarding. We are cute again, and beautifully nerdy with our hang-ten signs.


Boogie boarding = sore, so we switched to creating Nigel, the world's best upside-down man. Look at his perfectly toned buttocks!


I loooooove Nigel (not as much as Victor loves Nigel, but this is a family restaurant).


We had barbeque, complete with ridonculous cornbread and someone sticking their finger in our pie, necessitating a pie-rescue attempt in which Victor snuck around the back of the patio to escape notice. Sketchy, sketchy.


Jeannie and Deirdre being tan and translucent, respectively.


We went to this weird place called Broadway on the Beach, filled with many clubs, none of which would let me use their bathrooms because I am underage. (left to right: Victor, Heather, Patricia, Sajid, Jeannie, Deirdre, me)


The one club that DID let me in...well. Look, it's not my fault! I was tempted, ok? And my pad is broken. So I had to...I'm a loser.


Victor thinks of shoes and ships and sealing wax.


The Grow-A-Girlfriend was a TERRIBLE DISAPPOINTMENT.

At Myrtle being an obnoxious slob until Wednesday. Do not disturb.

SIGN THE PETITION

If you haven't already, please guys: we're only 35 signatures away from being able to turn the thing into anyone who will listen. I know many of you aren't Duke students or alums, but you know me, and you know how important this is to me, and that gives you a say. Anyway, you're mostly family, and family has the potential to withhold Annual Fund donations. :)

Here it is.

Thank you, thank you.

THIS Again.

Konstanz, Germany

So we decided to take the ferryboat over to Konstanz, after all, but only after listening to Jorge whine something about "but I just DID this!", to which the summary reply was "well, then you shouldn't have suggested it, dopeface, because we are having fun on the boat". We ate cookies and expensive, contraband Peanut M&Ms on this boat, pausing long enough to get someone to take our pikshur. I have already posted said pikshur, but here it is again for your amusement:



Awww...intrepid multinationals. My neck is inclining, tempted to devour Kristina's entire body starting at the shoulder.

So we got to Konstanz, got lost immediately, and ended up driving the wrong way up a pedestrian only street. I don't know how you can drive the wrong way up a pedestrian only street, really, because don't the pedestrians presumably go both ways? But we did it, and there was much laughing and shrieking (by me) and only the tiiiiniest bit of suppressed cursing (by Juan) before we found a place to park. (Why does it cost the GDP of some small African countries to park in Europe? Fricking ridiculous, say I.)

I'm gonna be honest, guys - I don't remember much of what we did in Konstanz. However, I am absolutely positive that that is because we didn't do much of anything in Konstanz. There was more Weihnachtsferien, so I wandered up and down looking at all the little stalls selling wollen mittens and Christmas ornaments and healing stones and keychains. I drooled over the smell of heisse Maroni, which I guess are caramel-covered hot peanuts (but I was already feeling the effects of the Walmart food and my chest pains told me to steer clear of caramel). We somehow ended up at this bell? which is admittedly a very nice bell but we had no idea what the hell it was there for or why it was outside the church.



I suppose I could have asked someone who spoke German, like the people I was with or something...but I was content to see the first word and start screaming "FREIHEIT!" at the top of my lungs. ELEUTHERIA! See? it's in my blood.

Juan is huge. I am titchysmall. My purse says KERRY EDWARDS on it.

Konstanz was nice, though. Other than getting lost and not finding a place to park and the bell, the only interesting thing about it was that I got in trouble for jaywalking. I crossed the street while the sign had the little red man - in Madrid, I would like to point out, stopping for anything short of an 18-wheeler barreling down the road straight at you marks you as a tourist, and even then a REAL madrileño would probably find some way to dodge under the wheels and save a cool 2 seconds on their commute. Apparently, this is not true in Germany.

Jorge: You crossed the street!
Allison: Yeah, no one was coming. Come on, slowpokes! I am madrileña and impatient!
Juan: You don't cross the street when the light is red.
Allison: Why not? What are they gonna do, fine me?
Jorge: Yes.
*crickets chirp*
Allison: What the hell.

We didn't take many pictures in Konstanz, either. More of the same - running in and out of churches, wandering down streets looking at buildings, being ridiculous. It was Lindau redux, except without the islandy part of the story (we were still on the lake, though. Oh, Bodensee! I miss you). So then we hopped in the car and headed off to

Luzern, Switzerland

which was so incredible it deserves its own entry written sometime before 3am, how did I suddenly get so tired. Good night.

Buffalo, Mecca of Prozac-Addicts Everywhere

We feel pret-TY! Oh so pret-TY! We feel pret-TY and wit-TY and GAAAAAAY!

To be honest, I'm not really surprised. Buffalo has a disintegrated economy, rampant and overt governmental fraud/incompetence, a school system spinning wildly down the drain like the Child in the Tub People book, and a mafia pizza parlor. But you know what else we have? Mighty Taco.

And masochism.

AAAAH!

More random Googling: I am also the first result for "if there's a bright center to the universe". I'm sorry, George Lucas! I'm sorry, Mark Hamill! I would make it go away, but the forces of Google are inexorable and foreign to me. I do not mean to overstep Star Wars. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. *sob*

While I'm doing non-content-related posts because it is finals week and that gives me an excuse, here is what passes for a conversation between college students:

Allison: lol
Allison: ok
Allison: lemme know
Jon: mmm no
Allison: ok
Jon: haha
Jon: wow, this is the itchiest my jowls have ever been
Allison: um, right
Jon: hey,
Jon: ya know?
Jon: haha
Allison: lol...yes!

Yes, we are the future, and yes, this is the fifth-ranked undergraduate institution in the country. Shake in yer boots, the numbskulls are coming.

I leave you with my vision for the summer:

Allison: so for now the plan is steal the car, get a job somewhere on the beach, rent a room
Jeannie: i like it
Jeannie: ill come join
Jeannie: we'll surf every day
Allison: and wander pensively through the bluffs
Allison: and write self-important literature in which we find that we are the only true release from whatever
Allison: punctuated periodically by "BOOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!"
Jeannie: yes!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!

We here at AlliSpain are the first result for Googling "I would like to complain". Both in quotes and out. I knew my primary talent would eventually be discovered by the world at large!

Perhaps the lovely searcher in Taiwan or whatever .tw is would like to see some evidence of my complainatory abilities? I am available for criticism of all types. I would make an excellent restaurant critic, and am willing to send writing samples. Please forward all job requests to the email address listed above.