Stupid Selfish People Holding Hands!

I think all of us here know my feelings towards the Phenomenon Formerly Known As Trinity. Many of those feelings involve the phrase "this place would be freaking AWESOME if it weren't for..." Many of times the ellipsis involves a customer or breed of customers (people who do not say hello to me! etc).

In that vein, I have a great Trindignance story to tell you.

So last Saturday I was training the lovely Carina, as it was her first day behind The Counter. We got hit with a bit of a rush, mostly freshmans looking for sustenance before going out to do whatever illegal things freshmans do. We were burning through the line as quickly as possible, considering it was her first day, when a guy and two girls (all collar-bepopped) came up and started asking questions. They were seemingly innocent questions, like

"Do you have any more soy sauce?"

"What do you guys do with the sushi at the end of the night?"

"Do you serve it again the next day?"

To which I replied no, they take it for inventory, hell no what kind of a place do you think this is, and under no circumstances allow yourselves to think that this means you can come back and ask us for free sushi after we close.

They bought some sushi and sat down. Carina and I slammed down the line and I took her to check out the stock under the condiment counter. When I turned around to scan the dining room, I notice Collar Boy tooling around with his hands inside my sushi cooler. When HE turned around to scan the dining room, I noticed his hands were full of soy sauce. We were out of soy sauce.

Dialogue:

Confused Allison: What are you doing?
Collar Boy: Uhh...
*everyone turns and stares*
Pissed Allison: Wait, are you...are you OPENING the containers of sushi...to STEAL soy sauce out of them?
CB: Uhh...I...
PA: What the hell do you think you're doing?
CB: Uh...
PA: What thought process could you possibly have gone through that would lead you to believe that that is an ok thing to do?
CB: Uh...do you want me to...put them back?
PA: NO! You had your hands in them, I can't sell that now.

And then - AND HERE IS THE PART WHERE I SUCK - I did not get his name. Because, boys and girls, I found out later that he had gone into no fewer than NINE boxes of sushi priced between 5 and 8 dollars, and if I had known it was that much and gotten his name I swear to God himself that I would have had that kid in jail for petit larceny faster than you can draw in breath.