Tuesday, June 27, 2006

I'm Not an Idiot, I Just Play One in Real Life

Would someone please explain to me why it is that I morph into a gibbering idiot when within a 10-foot range of my advisor?

No, really. Seriously. Because here is the woman who is supposed to be relying on me to read and analyze texts for her, a task which (whoa no way) is pretty much entirely dependent on my ability to not be a moron, and every time we are in the same room I turn into a stuttering sycophant, with the nodding and the mmhmming.

Example 1: Somehow we got on the topic yesterday of how Duke will, from this point onward, never be getting another shiny penny of my money ever again. She asks me why I have come to this decision, and to anyone who has ever been here before it's probably blatantly obvious. So do I say "Duke is a training ground for the elite to learn that rules don't apply to them"? Do I say "Duke has a nasty habit of abnegating any role that involves teaching responsibility"? No, I say "dining and Epworth", because that is the pat answer I'd had memorized for two years, and I could see her give this little sigh of disappointment at my inability to engage in a real discussion, BECAUSE I AM AN IDIOT.

Example 2: We were talking about dogs, and I expressed disdain for people who buy purebred dogs rather than going to the animal shelter and getting a mutt, because there are a gazillion available mutts in this world and they need lovin'. She counters that people make most life choices based on aesthetic - clothes and (human) mates included - so to expect people to refrain from judging aesthetic-via-breed when choosing a dog isn't really reasonable. And this is true, but instead of clarifying what I meant*, I nodded and smiled, BECAUSE I AM AN IDIOT.

I would blame the internet for the atrophy of my verbal skills, but I hold up pretty well when I'm arguing with Aaron, so the only possible conclusion is that I AM AN IDIOT.

*While you obviously make choices based on what's attractive to you, I'm talking about people who make choices based on what's attractive to others - so, just as I would hope that you are not choosing a boyfriend based solely upon the social status they will confer upon you for being hot, I would hope you're not shelling out $800 for a purebred chihuahua so you can carry it around in your handbag with your iPod and your Razr. Plus, I don't care what breed of dog is your favorite - you WILL be able to find a dog you find attractive at your local animal shelter. If that doesn't happen (I give it 10-to-1 odds), there are specific breed-rescue programs with whom you can get in contact. In short, there is no reason to support the creation of more puppies at this point in time. There are already plenty of puppies.


Anonymous Beth said...

You are not a dumbass, you are just awkward. Like me!

7/02/2006 3:11 PM  

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