I Should Not Be Allowed to Operate Heavy Machinery

I walk into the laundry room to get a Coke out the vending machine. There is a strange smell.

"Hmm, what is that smell?" I wonder.

"It smells like burning latex, almost."

"What could possibly be in the laundry room that smells like burning laOHOGOD."

I sprint over to the furthest dryer and pull it open. My bathmat is lying limp at the bottom of the drum, its latex no-skid pads seared brown.

I am going to get myself killed one of these days.