So I'm sitting in bed rotting my brain at the temple of the Idiot Box when James walks by. He stops, peers into the room, says "I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie!", and giggles to himself before walking out again.
A joke that I stole from Jeannie which is funny when she tells it but terrible when I tell it:
Q: What's the capital of Taiwan?
A joke I made up today:
Q: What do you get when you make a jail out of oatmeal?
A: A goo-lag!