It Might Not Work Because I Don't Really Know How to Tie My Own Shoes

Wait, why are all these people here? Get off my lawn, you kids! *throws a newspaper at you*

All right! Now that it's just me and Mom again, let's get down to the BIZ-NESS!

I feel like I've done a lot of talking about nothing of real importance for my future, so here's some substantive stuff that's going on:

1. I got an email today and it's looking that I might not end up getting a minor. I'm not really upset about this, per se, because it was an accident anyway and eh, easy come, easy go. Apparently I misread a course requirement ("wait - but the website says you have to take either 114 OR 115 - no wait, that's an AND. Crap.") I'm going to get in touch with the department tomorrow and see if there's some, I don't know, independent study or something I can do to make up for the missed class.

2. The thesis is no longer for honors because HEY! I DON'T CARE ABOUT HONORS ANYMORE! So I will write the paper, and I will have it, and then when grad schools ask me "but can you write?" I will whip it out and say "here is a project I will continue to work on when you let me into your program PLEEEEEEZ". The above two items may sound like a terrible dropping of standards has been going on in AlliStan lately, but it's because

3. I MADE PHI BETA KAPPA* AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE NOW. Anyway, I'd rather concentrate on the classes I'm in and make sure my GPA stays pretty. Plus I never really wanted to write a thesis anyway - I just wanted distinction on my diploma, and so I chose the thesis topic the night before the due date and I chose it because I knew the advisor would accept me if that's what I wanted to write about. Had I told anybody that before? I don't think I had. So, long story short, I got myself into this mess because I am a terrible status freak and it has taken this long for reality to catch up with me. w00t.

4. I got a letter from the Peace Corps last night saying that they want me to go to an orthopedic physician to have my back evaluated. I am so angry I was about to have force lightning go shoot out my fingers at yoga today. Look, Peace Corps. First, I'm going to be teaching English, not carrying steel tubes across the tundra. My back doesn't matter. Second, if my health was bad enough that I thought I'd need medical care in the next two years, I wouldn't volunteer to have myself shipped out to A YURT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. And what business of yours is it if I'm on birth control?

All of this has me so angry that I'm awfully happy I

5. got an interview with Teach for America! It's on the 22nd. They are now officially my first choice. Yay! Part of the interview is that I have to teach, though, and that's really scary to me. The lesson has to be
a. on a legitimate topic that would be taught to kids K-12 (I get to pick age and subject)
b. only 5 minutes long
c. I have to teach one concept, like, integrally. I can't just get up there and pick up in the middle of the sentence, so
d. There has to be some way for me to evaluate that my "students" have retained what I said.
So you know I can't just get up there, say "synecdoche!", and sit down. I have to have visuals or a song or an acronym or something and, frankly, I'm scared of stuff like that. I'm starting to wonder if I can't just assume I'll be teaching kindergarten and give my evaluators and co-interviewees a refresher on how to tie their shoes.

I don't even remember what I learned in elementary school, let alone how to teach it. I'm sitting here mulling over German prepositions in my head until I realize wait, you don't learn German in grade school. What can I TEACH? I don't KNOW anything!

*I had been making a concerted effort not to talk about this because I didn't want to sound conceited. However, I've come to the conclusion that most people don't know what it is and those that know don't really care. So I'm assuming that you fall into these categories and my mentioning it won't bother you.